When someone died suddenly, there are no words that would be appropriate. I never know what to say, personally or professionally.
All the persons related to the deceased will suddenly be wrapped into a whirlwind of activities. Many a times, they are still in shock, numb and feeling stunted. They will go through the motions, because these activities are expected. I have often thought, when do they get to grief? After the funeral, the memorial service, or when all the activities slow down?
Yet, by then, the grieving will be done alone. They have already lost their loved one, then they have to feel the grief and the loss alone?
The most popularly theory on the Stages of Grief comes from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
I have been using this at work for many years, yet I continue to feel a sense of "incompleteness."
Where is the Hope?
What will happen after Acceptance?
Many in the field continue to utilize these 5 Stages of Grief and Loss, and add their own work to it.
For me, experiences showed me that the first few stages are often intermingled; people are often already depressed, even non-functional.
More times than not, what I see in my office look a bit more like this.
Denial ~ Anger ~ Bargaining ~ Depression
These go in a spiraling pattern. Sometimes, the spiral goes up; other times, it spiral down. This is the longest stage(s) of the process.
Then come Acceptance...hopefully in open gesture.
And what is most important in my work is to see the "truly" final stage of grief and loss
Transformation
Whether it be moving forward or making changes, may it be find the new life' direction or even a new purpose. That is the Hope of, "A Life After The Loss."
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