When you want to spend every moment with, listen to every word of and express every thought to your partner.
When people come into my office after that phase and say, "I am just not a talker. I am not a romantic. I want to be accepted just the way I am."
I can't help but to chuckle a little. Why?
Because it's not the "whole" truth.
In order to become a couple, most likely, the person did talk and express thoughts and feelings. The person was romantic or at least did or say things to show love. And, they didn't just "be themselves" without the consideration of the other person.
If none of these things happened, most likely the two people would not have become a couple. There wouldn't have been a relationship.
What needs to happen is "Dialogue." Conversation that Deepen Understanding, Create Connection, Make Space for the Relationship, Validate and Facilitate Empathy.
Imago Relationship Therapy was co-created by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D and Helen L. Hunt, Ph.D
http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/
The Imago Dialogue creates a simple loop of communication between the Sender and the Receiver.
The Sender is to speak only in terms of him/herself using "I Statement"
To deepen the connection between the two people, to Sender will Speak of one's own feelings, needs, desires, etc.
The Receiver is then to "Mirror," paraphrase, the Sender's ideas, thoughts and feelings.
To deepen the connection, the Receiver will Validate and Seek Further thoughts of the Sender.
When the Sender confirms the Receiver has provided Empathy and Understanding, the partners will switch roles.
Here is the link for the article:
http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/articles/imago-dialogue-101
I must admit, too many times, my own conversations with Nerdy Hubby look like this.
My Hope is, in time, We will become This!
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